Wading through fake Facebook friend requests is starting to become a full time job

Three friend requests and two messages from Billy Currington telling me what an awesome fan I am and how we should chat.

Leave me alone, Billy, I only allow super famous people on my super private Facebook account. I didn’t accept Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen Joseph Dunford last week, nor did I accept Kit Harington this week. This is an exclusive club here, you gotta up your game. You can follow my E.B. Brown page like the others.
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I continue to be shocked daily on how people have so much time on their hands to create fake accounts and send the same friend requests over and over. I don’t have time to keep up with the real accounts I have. ūüėāūü§£

 

In other news, my legs went numb while I was sitting on the toilet peeing this morning and checking Facebook, and then when I got up I stumbled around like a newborn deer for five minutes until the blood flow returned to my legs.

This is what happens when I think I’m hitting snooze on my phone alarm, but instead I throw it across the room, crack the screen, and wake up an hour late.

This day is a total bust. FML.

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Follow me on my FB page or my personal account.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/follow.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Febbrownauthor&width=50&height=80&layout=standard&size=large&show_faces=true&appId=502794643216127 https://www.facebook.com/plugins/follow.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fbefsherm&width=50&height=80&layout=standard&size=large&show_faces=true&appId=502794643216127

A bike for Dominic

Remember when you were a kid and you hopped on your bike for a ride? You probably rode¬†it a few houses down the block, jumped off, dumped it on a neighbor’s lawn, then ran off to play with your ¬†friends.

Or how about helping your daughter take off¬†those training wheels and ride¬†on her own, barely daring to take a breath as you watch her because you are¬†afraid she¬†might fall? Somehow she doesn’t fall, and next thing you realize is that she’s going to need a bigger bike now.

Riding a bike is an amazing part of growing up. Watch this video of a very special young man to see what riding a bike means to him.

WATCH NOW
How can you help? Skip that $8 cup of Starbucks today, or pack a lunch instead of paying $20 at the fast food place. I did, and you can too! Give a few bucks today towards a gift that will change the life of this awesome young man.
Every little bit helps — and just think of the smile on his face when he gets on that bike.

 

Yes, I can spare a square

seinfeldspareasquareb1Apparently the re-post(FB) I made about bathrooms was so offensive to a person that she felt the need to slam my inbox with multiple messages and threaten me in several ways, including boycotting my books, because she claims I am a pedophile supporter (HER words). I guess I have to clarify my position if I want to get any work done today.

1. If you don’t like what I post, then stop reading and delete yourself from my personal page. Pretty simple. If you want to complain, put it on my fan page, where you may or may not be filtered.
2. I don’t care who is sitting in the bathroom stall beside me.
3. I don’t know what bathroom stalls you people use, but any stall I’ve ever used in a public place pretty much kept me from seeing the genitals of the person in the stall next to me. I mean, if I squinted real hard and looked through the crack in the corner, I could probably see a flash of skin, but I can’t recall ever routinely witnessing anyone waving a penis around like a banner when I happened to accidentally glance in that quarter inch gap in the door.
4. If someone is waving a penis around in the women’s restroom or made a move to assault me (if I’m there with my daughter or not), then I know I have every right to call the police. Just like I would if it happened in a dark alley or broad daylight. Do I think that sort of behavior is done by a specific group of people? YES, sexual predators. Are all priests sexual predators? No. Are all black people criminals? No. Are all gay people fashion savvy? No. Are all cops racist? No. Are all rednecks gun-toting vigilantes? No. Are all transgender people pedophiles? NO. I judge people as individuals, not as the sum of a label of which they have no control.
5. It’s none of my business what equipment is between the legs of another person. I have personal opinions about the subject, but this isn’t about what I believe or don’t believe about the mechanics/dna/physical state/psychological state/morality/or religious interpretation of transgendered citizens. My bottom line is that I believe in live and let live.¬† If man, you feel like a woman, sing it loud & proud, be happy, & live a good life. That’s the same thing I wish for anyone, so interpret that however you will.

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6. I feel fortunate to live in a country where so many people spend time complaining about who is peeing in the stall next to them. I’ve been to other countries where my only option was to pee in a hole in the ground with a toilet seat on it, while in a row of ten with NO toilet paper….and the chick next to me offered me some of her leaves.
Was she transgendered? I have no clue. I smiled and took the leaf she offered and I didn’t think to look between her legs.

Seriously, people. Spare a square.

 

This is not how my fairy tale was supposed to go

I don’t know about you, but I know this isn’t how my story was supposed to end. I’d like to think it’s the writer in me that keeps that big, sloppy heart perched on my sleeve, but I’m still not sure that is truly the reason why I’ve ended up in this place. Blame it on the author? Sure, I can dig it.

On my 37th birthday, I had it all. A loving spouse, a beautiful daughter, a big house on a hill. Now as I sit here on the eve of my 42nd birthday, I’m looking back and reflecting on it all and wondering just what the heck I have learned as I sit here in 40-something singlesville.

  • Disappointment? CHECK
  • Heatbreak? CHECK
  • Grief? CHECK

I think we all grow up with some sort of vision of how perfect our future will be. Some days I wonder if Disney princess moves shouldn’t be banned, because fuck if there is any happily ever after fantasy out there. I mean, really, can we talk about dating at this age for a second? The difference between dating at 20 and dating at 40ish is that by now we’re all already damaged in some way. The twenty-somethings are pre-damaged. They haven’t lived enough yet to get all bruised and jaded, and they’re young enough to think they have plenty of time to find that fairytale. Me — not so much. I’m painfully aware that my clock is not just ticking, it’s on a full-fledged freakin’ suicide sprint towards being a lonely cat lady sitting on my front porch yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn.

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And then the internet dating thing. Wow. I can’t even begin to understand it. It seems to work out great for some of my friends, but my very limited foray spawned enough crazy stories to fill up a book. Which is kinda funny, because if I think it’s book-worthy, you know it’s that bonkers.

  • Give up on internet dating. CHECK

Meeting someone in real life the old fashioned way (like at a dive bar) isn’t a sure fire way to happiness either. Throw back in that whole we’re old and damaged thing, and lemme tell you…the heartache is even tougher to push aside. Sad thing is that some people are afraid to leave the comfy confines of the old wounds they’ve lived with for years. I supposed that’s one way of staying safe.

So despite the roadblocks, I keep on writing. Maybe that’s both my salvation and my downfall, because when I am immersed in telling a story I am filled with hope. In my brain I know that the characters & romance I create doesn’t exist, but I guess the little princess heart in me still wants to believe it might.

NEW TO DO LIST:

  • let good things happen
  • keep writing
  • trust the journey
  • enjoy the beauty in my life

Yes, a lot of time I feel jaded, but it comes and goes. I’ll make myself chuckle by posting something sarcastic. Sooner or later it catches up with me and the idealistic Beth returns full force, reminding me that I’m too damn stubborn to give up on my future.

Gone is the marriage and the material things that went with it.I’ve fallen in love again since then and been broken, but I have to believe that it¬† wasn’t the end to my story. What remains is that I still have a loving family, it’s just a little bit smaller. I have a circle of great friends and an amazing life anyone would be lucky to have. I’ve turned into a different sort of woman, I think, one that has very little patience for wasting any more time in life. I’ve moved forward the best I could, sometimes stumbling like a fool through this being an independent woman thing.¬† Someday, my prince will ask for directions and find his way here.

No, my life certainly didn’t turn out how I thought it would. The cool thing about life, though, is that my future is what I make of it — and I am going to patiently wait for it. In the meantime, I’m gonna keep living the good life and enjoying each day as it comes.77d88c5b32aec73412a24073448cd58a I am okay with building happiness on my own, in my own skin. After all, the only one who can create my future…is me.


 

Thanks for reading. Sometimes I write books, too.  If you’d like to be notified of my new releases, sign up for my mailing list at http://www.ebbrown.net/vip-list or follow me on my Amazon Author Page HERE.

Readers can find E.B. online at:
FACEBOOK: facebook.com/ebbrownauthor
TWITTER: @ebbrown_
GOODREADS: http://www.goodreads.com/EBBrown
OFFICIAL WEBSITE: www.ebbrown.net

Should I write full time – via Steve Vernon

This morning I was over on kboards and I came across a thread where a young fellow asked the kboard folks to read one of his stories in order to determine whether or not he ought to write full time. Here’s how I answered that question. Funny story. I used to know this old fellow […]

via Should I Write Full¬†Time? ‚ÄĒ YOURS IN STORYTELLING…

7 Tips for discoverability that you might be missing

“All authors need a website.”

“All authors need a mailing list.”

“Authors need a Facebook account (or Twitter or whatever!)”

Sure, all of the above is good advice, but are you utilizing those tools in the most effective way? I really think many authors miss the boat with websites, mailing lists,¬†& social media accounts.¬† The purpose of spending all that time online is to ultimately sell books. Yet I can’t count how many times I’ve went looking for more info on an author or wanted to sign up for a mailing list, and I simply could not find it. If I’ve had to click more than four or five times, you’ve already lost me….I’m moving on to another author who makes it easy for me to find what I’m looking for.

Discoverability means making it easy for readers to find out about you & your work.

1. Make sure your mailing list landing page states WHO you are (a blank landing page with just boxes to fill out makes the reader wonder if they’re in the right place and less likely to sign up) Check out my mailing list sign up HERE
2. Put your mailing list link (CLICKABLE) in the back matter of all your books in your “About the Author” section. If you have a list of books to your name, you can also add your mailing list link to the end of your book list.
3. Put your mailing list link in your Author Central profile, along with links to your social media sites. AC is one of the first places readers will look to find out more about you, so make sure you pack it with everything a reader might be looking for. See example HERE: AUTHOR CENTRAL PROFILE.
4. Put your mailing list link in the “About” section on your Facebook Fan Page, if you have one. SEE EXAMPLE HERE: FACEBOOK
5. Put your mailing list link in a prominent spot on your website. Look in the upper right hand corner HERE, and it is also a pull down on the main menu (VIP List).
6. On your website, make sure readers don’t need to look too hard for what they want. The less clicks, the better. Make sure a list of your book and vendors you sell them on is easily accessible via the first page or directly on the menu bar.
7. On your website, make every book cover image CLICKABLE with either a direct link to Amazon, or redirect link to your page where all your book vendors are listed. When you click on BUY BOOKS on my webpage, you’ll see each vendor listed as a clickable image; in addition, I link all the covers direct to Amazon.

Make it easy for fans to find you by maximizing the effect of your online presence. Part of being an indie author is not only having an online presence, but utilizing it in the most effective way.

Now, go fix your website and your Author Central profile. And for Pete’s sake, please add something to your blank mailing list sign up form!

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