Yes, I can spare a square

seinfeldspareasquareb1Apparently the re-post(FB) I made about bathrooms was so offensive to a person that she felt the need to slam my inbox with multiple messages and threaten me in several ways, including boycotting my books, because she claims I am a pedophile supporter (HER words). I guess I have to clarify my position if I want to get any work done today.

1. If you don’t like what I post, then stop reading and delete yourself from my personal page. Pretty simple. If you want to complain, put it on my fan page, where you may or may not be filtered.
2. I don’t care who is sitting in the bathroom stall beside me.
3. I don’t know what bathroom stalls you people use, but any stall I’ve ever used in a public place pretty much kept me from seeing the genitals of the person in the stall next to me. I mean, if I squinted real hard and looked through the crack in the corner, I could probably see a flash of skin, but I can’t recall ever routinely witnessing anyone waving a penis around like a banner when I happened to accidentally glance in that quarter inch gap in the door.
4. If someone is waving a penis around in the women’s restroom or made a move to assault me (if I’m there with my daughter or not), then I know I have every right to call the police. Just like I would if it happened in a dark alley or broad daylight. Do I think that sort of behavior is done by a specific group of people? YES, sexual predators. Are all priests sexual predators? No. Are all black people criminals? No. Are all gay people fashion savvy? No. Are all cops racist? No. Are all rednecks gun-toting vigilantes? No. Are all transgender people pedophiles? NO. I judge people as individuals, not as the sum of a label of which they have no control.
5. It’s none of my business what equipment is between the legs of another person. I have personal opinions about the subject, but this isn’t about what I believe or don’t believe about the mechanics/dna/physical state/psychological state/morality/or religious interpretation of transgendered citizens. My bottom line is that I believe in live and let live.  If man, you feel like a woman, sing it loud & proud, be happy, & live a good life. That’s the same thing I wish for anyone, so interpret that however you will.

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6. I feel fortunate to live in a country where so many people spend time complaining about who is peeing in the stall next to them. I’ve been to other countries where my only option was to pee in a hole in the ground with a toilet seat on it, while in a row of ten with NO toilet paper….and the chick next to me offered me some of her leaves.
Was she transgendered? I have no clue. I smiled and took the leaf she offered and I didn’t think to look between her legs.

Seriously, people. Spare a square.

 

This is not how my fairy tale was supposed to go

I don’t know about you, but I know this isn’t how my story was supposed to end. I’d like to think it’s the writer in me that keeps that big, sloppy heart perched on my sleeve, but I’m still not sure that is truly the reason why I’ve ended up in this place. Blame it on the author? Sure, I can dig it.

On my 37th birthday, I had it all. A loving spouse, a beautiful daughter, a big house on a hill. Now as I sit here on the eve of my 42nd birthday, I’m looking back and reflecting on it all and wondering just what the heck I have learned as I sit here in 40-something singlesville.

  • Disappointment? CHECK
  • Heatbreak? CHECK
  • Grief? CHECK

I think we all grow up with some sort of vision of how perfect our future will be. Some days I wonder if Disney princess moves shouldn’t be banned, because fuck if there is any happily ever after fantasy out there. I mean, really, can we talk about dating at this age for a second? The difference between dating at 20 and dating at 40ish is that by now we’re all already damaged in some way. The twenty-somethings are pre-damaged. They haven’t lived enough yet to get all bruised and jaded, and they’re young enough to think they have plenty of time to find that fairytale. Me — not so much. I’m painfully aware that my clock is not just ticking, it’s on a full-fledged freakin’ suicide sprint towards being a lonely cat lady sitting on my front porch yelling at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn.

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And then the internet dating thing. Wow. I can’t even begin to understand it. It seems to work out great for some of my friends, but my very limited foray spawned enough crazy stories to fill up a book. Which is kinda funny, because if I think it’s book-worthy, you know it’s that bonkers.

  • Give up on internet dating. CHECK

Meeting someone in real life the old fashioned way (like at a dive bar) isn’t a sure fire way to happiness either. Throw back in that whole we’re old and damaged thing, and lemme tell you…the heartache is even tougher to push aside. Sad thing is that some people are afraid to leave the comfy confines of the old wounds they’ve lived with for years. I supposed that’s one way of staying safe.

So despite the roadblocks, I keep on writing. Maybe that’s both my salvation and my downfall, because when I am immersed in telling a story I am filled with hope. In my brain I know that the characters & romance I create doesn’t exist, but I guess the little princess heart in me still wants to believe it might.

NEW TO DO LIST:

  • let good things happen
  • keep writing
  • trust the journey
  • enjoy the beauty in my life

Yes, a lot of time I feel jaded, but it comes and goes. I’ll make myself chuckle by posting something sarcastic. Sooner or later it catches up with me and the idealistic Beth returns full force, reminding me that I’m too damn stubborn to give up on my future.

Gone is the marriage and the material things that went with it.I’ve fallen in love again since then and been broken, but I have to believe that it  wasn’t the end to my story. What remains is that I still have a loving family, it’s just a little bit smaller. I have a circle of great friends and an amazing life anyone would be lucky to have. I’ve turned into a different sort of woman, I think, one that has very little patience for wasting any more time in life. I’ve moved forward the best I could, sometimes stumbling like a fool through this being an independent woman thing.  Someday, my prince will ask for directions and find his way here.

No, my life certainly didn’t turn out how I thought it would. The cool thing about life, though, is that my future is what I make of it — and I am going to patiently wait for it. In the meantime, I’m gonna keep living the good life and enjoying each day as it comes.77d88c5b32aec73412a24073448cd58a I am okay with building happiness on my own, in my own skin. After all, the only one who can create my future…is me.


 

Thanks for reading. Sometimes I write books, too.  If you’d like to be notified of my new releases, sign up for my mailing list at http://www.ebbrown.net/vip-list or follow me on my Amazon Author Page HERE.

Readers can find E.B. online at:
FACEBOOK: facebook.com/ebbrownauthor
TWITTER: @ebbrown_
GOODREADS: http://www.goodreads.com/EBBrown
OFFICIAL WEBSITE: www.ebbrown.net

About mailing lists & stuff

I would like to take a few minutes to go over mailing list compliance tips and how mailing lists are valuable resources to authors. I’ve received questions asking why I do not provide a total list of all the readers who sign up for my giveaways so that all the authors can put them on their mailings lists. The straight answer is that I can’t do that because of things like the CAN-SPAM Act found HERE.
Readers need to opt-in to your list. If you are adding emails manually to your list, you are dancing with trouble.

Many of you have been around long enough to know how to manage your email list without getting into hot water. We also have a great bunch of new authors who may not be up to speed on how it all works and how your mailing list is a powerful tool for your career. This post is aimed at those who are just starting out so that (hopefully) you can build a quality list without having to experience the stumbling blocks lots of us have already been through.

Ideally, you want your list to be full of readers eager to read your next book. The best way to encourage sign ups organically is to put a link to your mailing list in the back matter of your books, include it on your website and all your social media accounts. Make it super easy for readers to find. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to find a list sign up for an author and simply gave up because it was just not accessible. Check out my website, and you will see that my mailing list sign up is in the upper right hand corner along with my ARC sign up; it is also listed in the menu bar for even easier access. (See HERE for example.) On my FB Fan Page, I use the “sign up” button which is right at the top of the page. (See MY FB PAGE HERE for example.) The point is that you need to make is super easy for readers to find information; the more clicks a reader has to make, the more likely the reader is to give up. **As an aside, that goes for links to buying your books on your website as well. Make your book covers clickable straight to Amazon, or make a landing page with all your retailers. (example: EB Brown landing page)**

Back to lists. As I said above, readers need to opt-in to your list. This means they need to sign up voluntariliy. If you are purchasing mailing lists or manually adding to your lists, you can end up in big trouble with your mailing list service, including having your account shut down until you can PROVE that all those people opted-in to your list. Can you see where I’m going with this? If you’ve manually imported emails to your list, how exactly will you prove they signed up? You can’t. That’s why all the major list services provide opt-in confirmation prompts.

So you’re new and you want your mailing list to be huge RIGHT NOW. Well, I say hold your horses. This is one of those things where it is not the just quantity that counts – quality of your list should be an equal consideration. Your list ideally will be filled with people who want your books. Signs of a good performing list are many: high open & click rates, minimal unsubscribes, and no spam reports. Many successful authors go through and prune non-performing emails in their lists on a regular basis. You really do not want people to sign up if they aren’t interested in your books. That leads to unsubs and spam reports, and it’s a big waste of your time. Cultivate your list carefully and soon you will be able to estimate how many books you can sell on a release day, or how many readers will share your posts, or how many on your ARC list will write a review. When you know your readers, you can start to plan your career rather than throw everything out and hope something sticks.

So how does the mailing list promotion come into play? Well, I started doing mailing list promotions because I participated in one that was successful. It was full of authors I knew were popular in my genre, who I knew had fabulous fan bases. I ended up with new list members (who stuck around!) and ended up selling books and moving lots of copies of my freebie. What confirmed to me that it worked was the sell-through — I not only moved a bunch of freebies, but the rest of the books in that series sold as well. I took note of the way the promo was managed and I made a few changes, and that’s how I came up with the method I use. It’s actually funny that I ended up doing this, because I’m not a fan of inorganic methods of attracting sign-ups.

I hope that all makes sense. Any questions, ask away.

A few other links to check out:
10 Email marketing spam laws you need to know

Examples of compliant & non-compliant lists

Guidelines for List Compliance

Write what you know and… yeah…other stuff

Well, we’ve all heard THAT one plenty of times.

Write what you know, Young Writer!

So who are these writers spewing out series upon series of goblins, dragons, vampies, and fairies? Do they write vampires, because they, well, know vampires? If that’s true, than I feel like I’ve led an entirely sheltered life. I don’t know about you, but mine has been utterly devoid of anything remotely resembling a sexy vampire, hot werewolf, or even a fire-spitting dragon. Quite boring, in fact, compared to other writers, who are apparently writing what they know.
So my only recourse, I suppose, is to substitute knowledge with Continue reading